Am I being Gaslit or am I the gaslighter?

Am I being Gaslit or am I the gaslighter? Determining whether you are being gaslit or the gaslighter can be challenging. This blog discusses the signs and effects of gaslighting to help you gain clarity.

Am I being Gaslit or am I the gaslighter?

Am I being Gaslit or am I the gaslighter?

Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic that seeks to make individuals doubt their own sanity or perception of reality. It involves the gaslighter exerting power and control over the gaslit individual by undermining their confidence and making them question their thoughts, feelings, and actions. In some instances, it can be challenging to determine whether you are being gaslit or if you are the gaslighter. This article aims to shed light on this complex dynamic and provide insights into identifying your role.

Understanding Gaslighting:

Gaslighting occurs in personal relationships, workplaces, and even in larger societal contexts, making it essential to grasp its underlying principles. Gaslighters employ various techniques, such as denial, lying, blame-shifting, and manipulation, to distort the truth and undermine the gaslit person's mental and emotional stability. The gaslit individual may start doubting their own memories, judgments, and perceptions, leading to confusion and self-doubt.

Signs of Being Gaslit:

If you suspect that you are being gaslit, it is crucial to recognize the signs and evaluate your experiences objectively. Some common indications of being gaslit include:

1. Consistent Denial: The gaslighter denies wrongdoing or dismisses the gaslit person's concerns repeatedly, causing them to question their own experiences.

2. Constant Blaming: The gaslighter habitually shifts the blame onto the gaslit individual, making them feel responsible for the issues and problems within the relationship.

3. Invalidating Feelings: Gaslighters often downplay or disregard the gaslit person's emotions, making them feel irrational or overly sensitive.

4. Distorting Reality: Gaslighters manipulate facts, twist events, and present alternative narratives to create doubt and confusion in the gaslit person's mind.

5. Isolation: Gaslighters strive to isolate the gaslit individual from their support network, making it easier to maintain control and dominance over them.

6. Constant Criticism: Gaslighters frequently criticize and belittle the gaslit person, eroding their self-esteem and making them question their self-worth.

Recognizing Your Role:

On the other hand, you may wonder if you are the gaslighter in a relationship or situation. It takes bravery and self-reflection to acknowledge this possibility. Here are some markers that indicate you may be the gaslighter:

1. Manipulative Behavior: If you find yourself deliberately distorting facts, engaging in blame-shifting, or using other techniques to control and manipulate the other person, you might be the gaslighter.

2. Lack of Empathy: Gaslighters often disregard or dismiss the other person's emotions, failing to acknowledge their feelings and experiences.

3. Dominance and Control: If you constantly seek to have power and control over the other person's thoughts, decisions, or actions, it is possible that you are the gaslighter.

4. Resistance to Accountability: Gaslighters typically resist taking responsibility for their actions and tend to shift blame onto others, avoiding accountability.

5. Patterns of Manipulation: Gaslighters exhibit a consistent pattern of manipulating and undermining the other person's sense of reality, causing confusion and self-doubt to prevail.

Seeking Professional Help:

Identifying whether you are being gaslit or acting as the gaslighter can be a challenging task. An objective perspective from a mental health professional can provide clarity and support in navigating these complex dynamics. They can help both the gaslit and gaslighter individuals understand the underlying causes and work towards healthier communication and relationship patterns.


Gaslighting is a toxic manipulation tactic that profoundly affects the mental and emotional well-being of individuals involved. By recognizing the signs of gaslighting and reflecting on your own behavior, you can gain a better understanding of whether you are being gaslit or acting as the gaslighter. Seeking professional help is essential to break free from this destructive pattern and cultivate healthier relationships based on trust, empathy, and open communication.


Frequently Asked Questions

1. Am I being gaslit or am I the gaslighter?

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic where one person intentionally tries to make another person doubt their own sanity or perception of reality. If you suspect that someone is gaslighting you, it is likely that you are being gaslit. On the other hand, if you find yourself intentionally manipulating or distorting the truth to make someone doubt themselves, then you may be the gaslighter.

2. How can I tell if someone is gaslighting me?

Gaslighting can be difficult to identify, but there are some common signs to look out for. These include constant denial or lying about events, experiences, or conversations, the creation of confusion or chaos to make you question your own memory or judgments, and the use of belittling or dismissive language to make you feel inferior or unstable.

3. What should I do if I think I am being gaslit?

If you believe you are being gaslit, it is important to trust your intuition and seek support. Confront the gaslighter calmly, expressing your concerns and setting boundaries. Document incidents and gather evidence when possible. Surround yourself with a support network of friends, family, or professionals who can provide validation and guidance. If necessary, consider removing yourself from the toxic relationship or seeking professional help.

4. Can gaslighting happen unintentionally?

While gaslighting is typically an intentional manipulative tactic, it is possible for some individuals to unintentionally exhibit gaslighting behaviors. This can occur when someone is unaware of the impact of their words or actions on others, or when they have internalized unhealthy patterns of communication from their own upbringing. However, whether intentional or unintentional, the effects of gaslighting can still be harmful to the recipient.

5. How can I avoid becoming a gaslighter?

To avoid becoming a gaslighter, it is important to practice open and honest communication with others. Validate their experiences and emotions, and be willing to admit when you are wrong. Avoid manipulation tactics such as denial, distortion, or blame-shifting. Instead, strive for empathy, understanding, and constructive problem-solving. If you notice yourself exhibiting gaslighting behaviors, take responsibility for your actions, apologize sincerely, and make a conscious effort to change your behavior.